“The Book”

I keep getting asked. When is the next blog post? When will your book come out? I thought you was writing a book? Hmmmmmmm…….(big sigh)

I have been wanting to write this book about my experience and most importantly about the amazing and couragious boy Raj was. What’s holding me back? (Big sigh….again) To tell you all the truth. The real truth of what life was like and the real struggle I faced will mean delving into the details of my past life. A life I have physically left behind. Sharing the true details of how tough life was means, writing some things that will shock alot of you and will also shed light on some things people may not want shared or known to others. Am I ready for any backlash it may bring basically is the real question? Maybe……Time will tell.

Oh and Hello December šŸ™‚

Hello to the the month in which my amazing baby boy was born. If my monkey was still with us, he would have turned 10 this month. 10! Wow. I keep thinking, how tall would he have been?! The first birthday without Raj was huge. The build up was absolutely huge and the worst. This year, of course Im broken but It would have been such a happy and big milestone for him. I find myself smiling and thinking how can I make it special for him. I asked my lovely family and friends to donate a gift in Raj’s memory this year. I think I received around 40-50 gifts!!!! Wow. They are all so bloody amazing. What makes it so special is these gifts will go to sick children in John Radcliffe hospital. I remember Raj’s face when he received gifts on the wards. That huge smile! Those who have donated, thankyou so much. You done something really special for these children. You will bring a smile to their faces on the hardest of days.šŸ„°

Its a big big month. A big big one. I will be spending it with my family, my amazing husband and my dearest friends. I just decorated my tree and put up Raj’s bauble. I also found his Transformer tree decorations and added them. It wasnt a tough thing to do this year. Well not as much as last year. I cant describe the feeling. There are moments in life where some days life seems full. I feel content. I feel like it all fits. Those moments…I find myself thinking. Raj is around. For me to feel like that. He is around. Its a warmth I feel. I find myself smiling and just saying it out loud. “Raj, I love you.” At that moment something in my heart tells me he can hear it. Decorations were out and I had Youtube on shuffle on his Xbox as I put the tree up. The 2nd song to come on was All The Way Up (Oh just his fave tune šŸ˜Š). I knew he would join me. šŸ˜Š

I love the month of December. Raj loved December. I find myself being able to unwind and reflect. My thoughts? Life is so very very short, so please make the most of the ‘time’ we have off to enjoy our families. Take a tonne of pictures and videos too! Oh and share them. I love seeing pictures šŸ˜Š

Still thinking about this book. I get told so often….you are so strong Suki. I once wasnt. I really really wasnt. I would like to give others hope and the courage to face their own challenges. We all have them in life

Right. I think I have made my mind up šŸ’„.

Time to put pen to paper. Any suggestions for a title?!

Love to everyone who supports me. Truly grateful guys. Stay blessed ā¤

Author: mummyandraj

Im Suki, mummy to Raj who is forever 8. This is somewhere for me to share all the things that came with my son having a cancer diagnosis at 2 years old and life thereafter.