I miss him πŸ˜ž

What a high this weekend was. We hosted a glamorous event for over 200 people in Raj’s memory. We managed to raise Β£5k for the Brain Tumour Charity! I’m proud and hopeful as all the money raised will go into research for high grade tumours like Raj had. The night included amazing food and lots of entertainment. We had a generous and fun crowd and I was really proud to tell people about my beautiful boy. The run up to the event was tough but I had lots of help for which I am so grateful for. I really loved seeing Raj’s consultant and his nurses who also attended the event. They are so amazing and I have so much love for them. Raj loved his nurses too. Remembering how he used to joke around with them makes me smile.

The last day though has now been a bit low. I have such a horrible feeling inside me. The event kept me busy…so busy. In the run up I faced the first anniversary of his passing and his funeral which were so tough but I knew I had to keep focused on his event. Now I have no event or no firsts coming up. I will continue to fundraise through the charity but I have nothing left to work towards which is all about Raj and that breaks my heart πŸ’”. It’s like I now have to live my life. That’s it. Yes he is with me. In my heart always but I am forced to face the reality again that I have to live on with out him for the rest of my life. I would love everyday to be all about him but I know that cant be. 😞 I really really miss him.

I really do have some amazing support and my bereavment counsellor even attended the event. We discussed how there may be a low after all the busy period settles so I was aware this may happen. Its still not easy to prepare yourself for these things though. Even though you know they may come the ‘lows’ hit you so hard.

I cant express how proud of Raj I am. He touched so many people in his short life. His teacher is getting married this summer and instead of wedding favours will be making a donation to us and sharing pics and Rajs story with their guests. This makes me so proud and happy that so many people continue to love and remember him. I am so grateful.

It’s really sad that life does go on though. No matter how hard I will it to stop or take me back to happier days with my baby. Tomorrow although it brings me happy thoughts of new times with my family and those I love, is also a sad place for me to have to be without Raj.

Mummy misses you monkey. x 😞

Author: mummyandraj

Im Suki, mummy to Raj who is forever 8. This is somewhere for me to share all the things that came with my son having a cancer diagnosis at 2 years old and life thereafter.

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